I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
