No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
