My liver just broke up with me...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
