So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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