I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
