Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
