on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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