Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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