About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
