my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
