Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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