So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize