im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
