Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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