I just made out with a guy for $7.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
