I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
