She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
