White coat. Heels.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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