I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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