Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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