i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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