And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
