the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
