I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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