I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize