I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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