Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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