Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that's an acceptable place to lick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize