This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
