I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
