dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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