I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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