so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
