Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He felt like a one man threesome
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
