Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
