My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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