I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
