you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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