he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
