She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
