no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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