What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize