im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
