I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
