worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
