this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
