I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize