maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize