Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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