You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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