At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am spending my child support on dildos
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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