sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize