I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
