he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
