This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
