She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
