You can't motorboat a personality
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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