I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
