Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
