whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
