Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I touched a dick in church today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
