She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
