I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
