if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
