i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize