my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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