I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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