I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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