Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
