I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
