Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
