He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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