Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
