I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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