i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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