Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
