Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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