That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
