Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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