All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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