so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
