How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
