What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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