the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
