the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
