The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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