I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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