I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
