u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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