He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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