i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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