The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
