if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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