ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
