grandma shit on top of the toilet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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