I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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