Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
