I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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