when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
