I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
