dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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