God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
