sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
