Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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