nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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