Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
