I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
