Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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