don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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