I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
