Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize